I was thinking about making the title of this blog City Mouse in the Country, because today I really started to feel like one. I don't really even remember the story all that well, but I know that the city mouse went to the country and didn't fit in and the country mouse to the city and the same. Both, however, brought something to their poorly fit place and also it brought something to them.
By the way...I know you're thinking it...NO I AM NOT PREGGERS!!
So, I've been wondering today what it is that I have to bring here. My son decided to bring out photographs after our reading lesson, and we looked at them together. They were snapshots taken mostly by his and his sisters teachers at their school in Arizona. He got several of the children's names wrong, so that told me he was settling in here and becoming a country mouse pretty quickly. Strangely as we went through them, the photos brought big tears to my eyes. I realized it was the city living that I sort of missed.
I say "sort of" for a few reasons. Mostly, it was for the little moments. We had access to everything artistic, but we rarely indulged ourselves. We had friends all close by that we saw often, but sometimes time would fly by in months between gatherings.
Why? Well, mainly because in the city we were just working so much to fund our life as it was, that we rarely had time in all the running around. Our jobs paid the bills and for school, or day care, for the children, and a roof over our heads with food.
Here, we are still busy and running around, but in a different way. I still feel like I can't breathe sometimes because going into town is a massive endeavor and takes a lot of gas, so you have to plan it out and make a day of it. So, I'm still struggling with "fitting in" or maybe it's just that I'm not mentally here yet. I'm not sure.
Today while I was outside running around to beat the big storm and make sure that the hens, guinea fowl, dog, and rabbits all have food and water under cover in case the storm lasts, I found that one of the rabbits had died. I finished my chores quickly and reluctantly with my heart in my throat because I still am not used to the surrounded by death way on a farm. I went into the house to start to prepare dinner with the kids running wildly at my feet. Then the rain broke...
After the rain stopped the children again begged me to go outside. Wait a minute, they rarely did that in the city? Then I found my daughter outside...naked..."taking a bath" in a freezing cold puddle. She was LOVING LIFE with such fervor that it occurred to me that my children are genuinely happy here. If I could call over their friends, say L and M, don't get me wrong they'd be in heaven, but that would just make this place a more fun place as it is already perfect in their eyes. They really don't grasp the concept that these friends don't live just a mile away anymore. My children have everything they want. They have swing sets and puddles and animals and mud and dirt and flowers and fields to just run to their hearts content. So, what was I missing?
I missed walking 20 feet, or a mile, to reach out to a friend when I needed a hug or a shoulder to lean on in person. I missed having access to the things we needed, like groceries and the childrens doctor, within walking distance. I missed the Aztec Mochas with friends on a Sunday morning bike ride. I missed impromptu bbqs and pool parties. But what I didn't miss was the complete hustle and bustle. I was so torn. I wanted to be there in the worst way, but living the way we do here. I wanted to take our land and our animals and our days of playing in puddles and reading our first words from a book, as the boy did today (YAY), and putting it in that location. But that's not possible.
I think that what I'm missing most is really inside of me and my favorite thing since coming here to the country... It's getting to really see life in amazement as I do every day through my children's eyes. I am old...none of your business how old if you don't know! It takes longer to adjust, I suppose. It's not really been that long yet and we're just now starting to settle into this life. And from what I've learned along this long strange road is that you never know what is hiding around the next corner. I cannot wait to reach it!
Big Hugs and Smooches from the City, I mean Country Mouse
Momma D
And seriously, the rabbit really died, not the other meaning of the saying!!!
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